Why Rest Feels Hard When You Grew Up Earning Your Worth
You finally sit down. The dishes are done. Your inbox is (mostly) cleared. No one is asking anything of you. You should feel relaxed. Instead? Guilt. Restlessness. An urge to get back up and do something – anything – productive. If rest feels uncomfortable, even when you're exhausted, you’re not lazy or broken. You may have learned, directly or indirectly, that your worth is tied to what you do, not who you are.
Let’s talk about why that message is so common, especially for women raised in high-demand religious environments or codependent family systems, and how therapy can help you reclaim rest as your birthright, not a reward.
When Rest Wasn’t Modeled Or Allowed
For many of us, rest wasn’t something we saw growing up. Or if we did see it, it came with strings attached:
You could rest after the chores were done
You could rest if you were sick enough
You could rest only when everyone else’s needs were met
And for women, especially? Rest was often labeled as selfish, lazy, or indulgent. Your role was to be useful. Servant-hearted. Sacrificial.
Religious or cultural messages like:
“Die to self.”
“Put others before you.”
“A good woman serves with joy.”
...taught you that overfunctioning wasn’t just expected, it was righteous.
So, of course, stillness feels wrong. You were taught to equate busyness with goodness.
The Nervous System Side of This
When your body is used to staying in motion for survival, emotionally or physically, it doesn’t know what to do with calm. Rest can trigger feelings of anxiety, guilt, or fear because your nervous system has learned that rest equals risk.
That risk might be:
Letting someone down
Facing emotions you’ve been pushing away
Feeling unsafe or vulnerable without constantly doing
So you keep going. Even when you’re tired. Even when you don’t want to. Because “doing” feels familiar. And rest? Feels like a trap.
Rest Is More Than a Nap, It’s a Nervous System Rebellion
Rest is not just about sleep or bubble baths (though those are great). It’s about releasing the belief that your value is in your usefulness.
Rest says:
You are allowed to take up space, even when you’re not producing
You are not more lovable because of how much you get done
You are worthy of care, simply because you exist
That’s radical if you were taught otherwise.
How Therapy Can Help You Reclaim Rest
In trauma-informed therapy, we gently explore:
Where you learned to equate doing with worth
How productivity became a coping mechanism
What rest actually feels like in your body and why it’s hard to tolerate
How to slowly reintroduce rest as a form of self-trust, not failure
You don’t have to go from burnout to bliss overnight. You just have to get curious.
You Deserve to Rest, Even Before Everything Is Done
You’re not behind. You’re not lazy. You’re not weak. You’re healing from a culture (and maybe a childhood or church) that taught you to earn your place by overgiving, overachieving, and overriding your needs. But your body was never meant to hustle endlessly. And your heart was never meant to be last on your own list.
Ready to explore how rest can be part of your healing, not something you have to “deserve”?
Book a free consult and let’s talk about how therapy can help you unlearn hustle culture and come home to your body.
