Spiritual Abuse: What It Is and How Therapy Can Help
Spiritual abuse is one of those things that’s hard to name, but once you do, everything starts to make sense. It’s not always loud or obvious. Sometimes it hides behind kindness, community, or “truth in love.” It can happen in churches, small groups, spiritual mentorship, or anywhere someone claims to speak for God while ignoring your humanity.
If you’ve ever felt manipulated, shamed, silenced, or spiritually controlled, you may have experienced spiritual abuse. And if that sentence just made your stomach drop, keep reading. You’re not alone, and no, you’re not imagining it.
What Is Spiritual Abuse?
Spiritual abuse happens when someone uses religious or spiritual beliefs to control, manipulate, or harm another person. It can look different depending on the community, but the core is always the same—someone in power uses faith as a weapon, not a tool for love or growth.
Here are a few common signs of spiritual abuse:
You were taught that questioning leadership or doctrine was sinful
You were told that your pain, illness, or suffering was a result of weak faith
You were made to feel fear, guilt, or shame for setting boundaries
You were expected to stay in unsafe situations “for the sake of forgiveness”
Your identity, sexuality, or gender was condemned or erased
You were discouraged from trusting your emotions, body, or intuition
You were isolated from outside influences that might challenge your beliefs
Spiritual abuse doesn’t just impact what you believe. It can shape your sense of self, your relationships, your body, and your ability to feel safe in the world. That’s why it’s trauma, not just hurt feelings or a bad church experience.
Why Spiritual Abuse Is So Hard to Name
A lot of people don’t realize they’ve been spiritually abused until years later. You might have been told it was your fault. You might have thought it was “normal” because everyone around you accepted it. Maybe you thought you were being “refined,” not controlled. Or maybe you’re still wondering if it was really abuse at all.
Here’s the thing. Abuse isn’t just physical or overt. It’s about power. If someone used spiritual language to make you feel small, scared, or silenced, that matters. If your nervous system still reacts when you hear certain phrases or songs, that’s not random. That’s a trauma response.
How Therapy Can Help You Heal
Spiritual abuse goes deep. It often impacts your relationship with yourself, others, and anything that feels remotely “spiritual.” Therapy can help you untangle those threads and reconnect with the parts of yourself that got buried along the way.
Here’s how:
1. Naming What Happened
You don’t have to minimize your experience or sugarcoat it. Therapy gives you space to say, “This hurt me,” and not have anyone try to explain it away with a Bible verse. Just naming your experience as abuse can be the first step toward reclaiming your story.
2. Processing Shame and Guilt
Spiritual abuse often teaches people that their pain is selfish, their boundaries are wrong, and their needs are sinful. Therapy can help you sort out what beliefs are truly yours and what was taught to you through fear. You get to grieve the lies and let go of the shame that was never yours to carry.
3. Rebuilding Trust With Yourself
If you were told to distrust your body, your thoughts, or your emotions, it can be hard to feel grounded in your own truth. Therapy helps you reconnect with your inner wisdom and rebuild the ability to make choices based on what’s actually best for you, not what someone else says is “right.”
4. Exploring Spirituality (or Not)
Healing from spiritual abuse doesn’t mean you have to go back to any kind of spirituality. You might want to explore a new kind of faith that feels safe and freeing. Or you might step away from spirituality altogether. Either is valid. Therapy supports your autonomy. There is no agenda. Just curiosity, safety, and support.
5. Repairing Relationships
Spiritual abuse can leave you feeling isolated or afraid to connect with others. Therapy can help you rebuild trust, understand your attachment patterns, and create healthier relationships, especially with people who may still be part of the faith world you left behind.
You Don’t Have to Heal Alone
If any of this sounds familiar, please know this: it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t deserve to be controlled, shamed, or spiritually manipulated. And you don’t have to figure out how to heal by yourself.
I work with women and non-binary folks across Washington State who are recovering from spiritual abuse, deconstructing their faith, and learning how to reconnect with their voice, their body, and their truth. You deserve support that actually understands what you’ve been through.
Ready to talk?
Book a free consult to see if we’re a good fit. No pressure. No performance. Just a safe place to be fully, finally you.
