How to Choose a Therapist When You Have Religious Trauma

A Gentle Guide for Women Who Want Healing, Not More Harm

If you’ve experienced spiritual abuse or are in the middle of deconstructing your faith, starting therapy can feel like entering unfamiliar – and frankly risky – territory. You may be asking:

• Will they understand what I’ve been through?

• Will I have to explain purity culture?

• Will they push me back toward faith when I’m still trying to untangle my beliefs?

You deserve a therapist who gets it. Someone who understands the nuances of religious trauma, power dynamics, and identity reconstruction, and who will never pressure you to reclaim or reject a belief system before you’re ready.

This guide is here to help you choose a therapist who will support your healing without spiritual bypassing, minimizing, or retraumatizing you.

1. Look for Someone Trauma-Informed

This should be your baseline. A trauma-informed therapist understands how trauma lives in the body and how it can impact identity, emotions, relationships, and sense of safety.

Questions to ask or look for in their bio:

• Do they name trauma as a focus?

• Do they mention attachment, nervous system regulation, or complex PTSD?

• Do they say anything about creating a collaborative, client-paced experience?

You want someone who recognizes that trauma isn't just about "what happened," it’s about how your mind and body adapted to survive.

2. Make Sure They Understand Religious Trauma

Spiritual trauma is a unique kind of harm. It’s often relational, systemic, and identity-based. You shouldn’t have to educate your therapist about purity culture, religious gaslighting, hell anxiety, or what it’s like to grow up in a high-control faith community.

Look for therapists who use language like:

• Religious trauma or Religious Trauma Syndrome (RTS)

• Spiritual abuse

• High-control religious environments

• Deconstruction or faith transitions

• Purity culture, shame-based teachings, or authoritarian faith

And if they have lived experience or specific training in this area, even better.

3. Pay Attention to Their Language Around Spirituality

Some therapists may unintentionally bring their own spiritual lens into the room. If you’re in a raw or skeptical place, this can feel invalidating or unsafe, even if well-intentioned.

Look for therapists who:

• Center your autonomy and choice

• Don’t assume you want to “return to faith”

• Respect your spiritual, religious, or non-religious identity

• Use inclusive, non-dogmatic language

• Aren’t pushing "forgiveness" as the first step

If they identify as spiritually integrated, that can be beautiful if they’re clear about centering your values, not theirs.

4. Don’t Be Afraid to Interview Them

You are allowed to ask questions before committing. In fact, I encourage it.

Some questions to ask:

• Have you worked with clients navigating religious trauma or deconstruction?

• How do you support clients who are still figuring out their spiritual identity?

• How do you approach healing from shame or fear-based teachings?

• Are you comfortable talking about purity culture, high-control faith, or religious PTSD?

• What’s your view on client autonomy in the therapy relationship?

If they seem unsure, defensive, or rigid, trust your gut. A good therapist will welcome your questions, not be put off by them.

5. Make Sure You Feel Safe, Seen, and Unrushed

You’ve already been in environments that told you how to think, feel, and behave. Therapy should be the opposite of that. It should feel like a place where you don’t have to perform, explain everything, or worry that your story is “too much.”

You deserve a therapist who:

• Listens with curiosity, not correction

• Allows you to question and explore

• Honors your grief, anger, and ambivalence

• Moves at your pace

• Sees your humanity before your beliefs

You’re Not Broken. You’re Healing From Harm.

Spiritual trauma isn’t just something to get over. It’s something to heal through. That requires tenderness, time, and the right support.

As a trauma-informed therapist in Washington State, I specialize in working with women and non-binary folks healing from religious trauma, deconstruction, and spiritual abuse. You don’t have to filter your story here. You don’t have to explain purity culture or minimize what happened. I get it. And I’m here when you’re ready.

Looking for a safe place to begin?
Book a free consult. Let’s talk about where you’ve been and where you want to go.